Chasing A Dream: Exuberant to Foolish

Most of the time in my dream chase, I am exuberant and happily bouncing from one thing to another; at other times, I just feel foolish.  Let me explain.

I Love My Life

I truly do love what I’m doing–pursuing a life-long dream, something that I dreamed of as a child and never believed was even remotely possible.  I love California, I love San Dimas, I love meeting new people, having new experiences, and so many things about the whole adventure.  I enjoy our peaceful little community, even the part where most people check the mail in their pajamas at 2 o’clock in the afternoon.  I find amusement in some of the simplest things here.  Recently, I got an email from a casting person saying that I’m on a “short list” for a role I auditioned for, and that role could mean being on location out of state for several weeks.  Uh… that is almost unimaginable… and yet it is a VERY REAL POSSIBILITY FOR ME.  Sometimes I feel so friggin’ tickled with the fact that I don’t JUST dream of doing stuff, I actually get off my wide spot (you know, the one with the crack down the middle), and DO IT.  Truthfully, I’ve discovered that most people not only don’t pursue their dreams–most people don’t even HAVE THEM.  That’s the one hand.

Yes, this is a little fun with Photoshop...

Yes, this is a little fun with Photoshop…

And On the Other Hand

Sometimes I’m so scared.  Those are the times when I feel completely off my rocker for having given up the security of a steady job (even though I hated going to work every day and it was incredibly detrimental to my health), selling a home where I’d lived for 30 years, dipping into my retirement savings (that’s when I ask myself “what am I going to do when I get old?” and then something answers, “you’re doing it.” haha!).  And out of the BLUE I will find myself weeping because I feel so foolish.  I had NO CLUE about many things… and I’m doing my best to educate other folks about those things when they’re anticipating taking the same leap of faith (things like health insurance).  Robert is so very good during those times.  He always brings me back to the most important question:  do you regret any of this?  And the answer is always NO.  No, I don’t regret leaving a job I hated.  No, I don’t regret leaving a neighborhood I had outgrown.  No, I don’t regret taking the chance to have it all, because I have always been a “gimme more” kind of woman.

I Don’t Want To Regret What I Never Tried

Best Friends on a Cruise

Best Friends on a Cruise

I know that if I hadn’t done all this, at the end of my life, I’d ask myself why I never tried it.  I don’t want to be that person.  I want to be one of those people who goes out kicking and screaming (yes, those of you who know me well know EXACTLY what that means!), having tried it all, some of it twice, that which was fun even more times than that, and I want to have laughed my way through it all.  I want to be remembered fondly… for people to smile BIG when they think of me and say “that woman LIVED like nobody else” and “she loved and was loved.”  That’s the person I want to be.

So… I’m celebrating this evening, actually.  Eight years of happy marriage to the man who still keeps me laughing.  I’m grateful for friends and family and people who love me and are supportive.  I miss so many of you… but I’m happy here.  And isn’t that the way it should be?

DREAM BIG!  It’s so much more fun than not dreaming at all!

Love,

peggy!

 

Comments

  1. On the plus side, and there actually is one here, you do not regret it so Robert saves the DID (old term of damsel in distress) so what would you do without him? Blessings to you both. Love, jvt

  2. Jamie Martin says:

    Peggy, don’t know if I wished you Happy Anniversary, but I’m doing it now. Miss your face and the times I would see you, so welcoming and so friendly. God is smiling for the things you have done with your life. Love you!

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