Chasing A Dream: Somebody Moved the Middle!

I have found that chasing a dream is like everything else in life:  just when you think you’ve tied all the ends together, somebody MOVES the middle!  And, like having children, I know that if I wait until everything is just right–enough money, enough security, enough patience, enough support… I’ll never do it!

This Is One of Those “Leaps of Faith” Things

Frankly, I have marveled at the reactions to my Leap of Faith in quitting my job and moving to Hollywood to pursue my life-long dream of acting.  Some people–MOST people, really–tell me they admire my courage.  They may well be muttering under their breaths that it’s really the nuttiness of my plan that amuses them, but I get a great deal of support in face-time.  Truly, I am grateful for the well-wishers and those who say they admire my guts, because it does tend to bolster my sometimes faltering sense of security.  But the truth is, it IS a Leap of Faith, and it’s one I feel I must take.  For the very survival of my spirit.

In November of 2013, when we realized that the planned move had to be postponed, I was distraught.  I was almost despondent I was so upset.  The move had to be postponed for things like health issues and financial issues.  We hadn’t sold our cabin, and that would mean the move would be more difficult financially.  There were–and I now realize will always be–some health issues to deal with before moving away from my health insurance.  So in November 2013, we postponed the move to deal with these things.

Here we are, now in April, 2014, getting ready for the move, and a week or so ago, I submitted my resignation to my employer, letting them know I’ll be there only through April 24th and officially terminating at the end of the month.  There are still health issues—duh, at our age? Of course.   On Monday, we  found out that Robert has a torn meniscus and will require surgery to repair it.  We found this out, of course, AFTER I’ve given my notice to my employer.  I had to get a new breathing machine for my sleep apnea–my old one is barely limping along, and I absolutely cannot sleep without it.  And the insurance company will pay for it AFTER a 30-day period to make sure I’m actually using the machine.  Of course that 30 days ends AFTER I’ll leave my job. (No, the fact that I’ve used the old one an average of 8 hours a day for 8 years doesn’t mean I’ll use the new one.  That makes perfect sense in the eyes of the insurance company.)

We still haven’t sold our cabin.  It seems that while the economy is recovering, it’s not yet recovered enough to encourage folks to buy second, part-time weekend homes.  So there’s still the financial challenge of moving away from a cabin we won’t be able to use.  We’re still trying to sell it, of course….  See here.

Really Scared

Do I Leap?

Do I Leap?

Like a Lost Little Girl

Like a Lost Little Girl

Thinking about  all of that made me REALLY SCARED.  I feel like a lost little girl at times.   I’ve been waking in the night thinking about it.  I’ve spent a great deal of time contemplating what to do about it.  Do I ask my employer if I can extend my work there by a few weeks?  Do I abandon the cabin once we move? Do I move off to California and have two or three monthly obligations for living spaces?  Do I give up the dream and kill the spirit of adventure within me?  There are a thousand questions and only one answer.

God Told Me In No Quiet Way that I Should Chase My Dream

Many months ago, when I was cast in the movie “Acts of God,” I heard it–LOUD AND CLEAR.  I had ASKED for confirmation.  I RECEIVED confirmation.  As I think about it, I don’t recall hearing God say, “chase your dream after you sell the cabin,” or “chase your dream after all your health issues have been resolved.”  He just confirmed that, indeed, he was behind my plan to chase my dream.  The only thing I asked was whether he approved our move AFTER Robert completed his schooling, and that has now been done.  Of course, you know the story–I was cast in “Acts of God.”  Frankly, I believe it WAS an Act of God–as clearly as if he whispered the words in my ear.

So–now I’m scared that we need to extend our insurance through May and we still have the cabin note.  Somebody “moved my middle” and I am trying to deal with the unexpected.  The human, responsible person I am is frightened and worried and anxious.  But God didn’t tell me to wait until all was perfect to go, he just told me to go.  And so… my leap of faith is scary and uncertain in the real world of finances and health and “brick and mortar”  and green-back ways.  But if I have been given the dream, and I have been given the go-ahead by God Almighty, and I have been given the open love and support of people all around me, how can I hesitate?  Isn’t that why the call it a Leap of Faith?

Dream Big! I do.



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